| you can have it if it means that much to you. |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|04:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | As Cities Burn | ] |
Whoa.
its been awhile
and i feel like i disappeared from the world.
but maybe that's because i've had no drama <3
life is good |
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| this is me at my...some point in my life |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|03:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Showbread | ] |
So school's started..and i hate it, go figure. Maybe if my English classes were still WRITING then i would like them, but instead they're all reading........grrr.
I thought that once school started again I would be hanging with all of the same friends. Well, it's not true. I've only been around like 7-8 of my friends at UNCG since we've all been back for two weeks now. I mean, maybe things will get better:::I hope so. I'm tired of sitting around my apartment in the afternoons acting like I don't have a life when I do. Heather lives RIGHT ACROSS from me and we've only seen eachother maybe 3 times :-( The parties aren't even at the same places anymore. It's lame and I don't want to go to new ones. I think I've actually reached that age to where I don't care about parties or drinking really anymore. Ah! I'm getting old. The only time I drink now is if me and the girls go to the gayass baseball games in downtown or if we go out to the bars. So here's to another year and it better get better!!
on another note:::I miss Cory. Tour is just something I'm gona have to get used to because the dates keep on adding up. I love how he tries to wait until the last minute to tell me about that part. As soon as he gets back, he goes back out again. Hopefully he'll be around for the fair and for Halloween...but it's kinda a close call. Maybe this is what I need so I can focus on school. I do miss him a whole lot more than I let on though...but I would never give him up because of touring.
And i can't wait for this weekend with my raleigh crew!! I miss being with my Joshoffer and Mattie!! But now they can't gang up on me as much because Mattie's girlfriend loves meeee and she picks my side all the time :-) And Joshoffer...well...me and Sarah got that covered. And Justus, well...we all gang up on him. Saturday night, i'm pretty sure...we're all having another watergun fight and it will be amazing!! Sarah's becoming one of my best girl friends and I love it. She's amazing, and acts like a lil kid as well [squirt gun mofia 4 life], and her faith in God is strong. I need more friends like that in my life.
yea, that's the one major thing i'm lacking and i miss the most:::my faith and the strength of it. |
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| won't you come around and you can stay a while |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|12:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | a kiss for jersey | ] |
I'm ready for school to start back on Monday just so I don't have to work 8:30-5 anymore. What am I gona do when I actually graduate and have to work all the time!?!? UGH.
I wanted to go to Wilmington today so I could see the boys play AND so I could stay with Ash at her new house on Oak Island. It's crazy, I miss her. We've talked more on the phone the past two times than we've talked in the past 2 months. I love it though. It's nice to know that after everything, we can still sit on the phone for around an hour and talk about everything. The only reasons those two convo's ended was because I had to get off the phone for a beep and because she lost service. It makes me miss her more than ever!!!!!!!!!
I'm finally living in my apartment in G'boro now though. No more nights back in Winston unless I come home for the weekend or something. And Nana and Manda are both in G'boro too!! And so is Tara!! I'm happy about it.
I have to admit though, I hate sleeping by myself there...i've kinda gotten used to a certain boyfriend of mine being there every time I stay the night. And the two nights he hasn't stayed...I haven't been able to sleep. Oh well, I'll get over it once he goes back out on tour. BUT THEN, I get to have sleepovers with the other girlfriends of the band :-) It's good to have all of us going through it all together, instead of just one or two of them/us.
oh yea, i need money:::go figure. Why is that one thing so hard to hold on to when there's obviously a bunch of it floating around the world!? I never understood it and I never will...I don't think anyone will.
fine. i quit rambling. |
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| turn away now |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|09:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Circa Survive | ] |
Ugh. I hate bad dreams :-(
And waking up feeling sick and sad because of it.
And why do they stick in your head the rest of the day??
I hate when people say that you're scared of something when you dream about it.
I'm not scared about it, I'm not insecure about it.
At least I don't think I am. Because I never think about it and I'm not worried about it because I know it won't happen.
So why is it on my mind?
I don't want it to cause problems that I feel like I'm not worried about. |
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| akissforjersey |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|05:13 pm] |
Their cd comes out on smartpunk on 8/8/06 so it can be ordered online.
It comes out in stores like Best Buy and FYE on 8/20/06
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| i gota keep your head above the water |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|04:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | As Cities Burn | ] |
So now that I have time to sit by myself and collect my thoughts...this weekend was fun. I got to go with Cory and the rest of the akfj boys to their show in Roanoke Rapids, NC. And we all felt like we were in The Hills Have Eyes or something because everyone looked like imbreds. But meeting some of the other bands and hanging out with the friends of the rest of them was fun. We all stayed at a lake house with a girl that they knew there. Haha, fun times. Not too sure how I feel about lake water. I learned more about the rest of the boys though and yea, they learned stuff about me. And how to embarass me....go figure! I love them a whole lot more now after being stuck with them, haha. I'm glad that I'm the girlfriend that they can stand going with them to a show that's 4 hours away and staying over night with them.
A certain person is making me love As Cities Burn more than I ever would have. The lyrics are amazing as well as the band.
Today I realized something that was hidden in me for the longest time and no one ever knew except maybe Ash. *I've liked Cory for the longest time...seriously, since like September of last year.* And after I saw him with another girl, I gave up on the outside, but never on the inside. I let him date another girl and I just sat there without saying anything. And I settled for what was second/third best. And I just really found out today that he was the exact same way about me. We both liked eachother, then had other people, but we were jealous of the other. BUT we never said anything to each other. I guess it doesn't matter now, because we're together finally. I just can't believe that something that should've been so obvious to both of us was completely hidden. Haha, he tried to say it was my fault for all of it today...then again, he's the one that went off and starting dating another girl first. So it was his fault!! Sorry if I keep bringing it up! I'm the happiest I have ever been and i'm never going to give it up!!
I'm gona miss him more than anything when tour starts back up though. A month & a couple of weeks seems like forever when I think of it. And from the sounds of everything, the touring's only gona get worse if they work with Tooth&Nail and get a booking agent. It's his dream though, and I refuse to be something to hold him back. |
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| scene sluts |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|02:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | As Cities Burns | ] |
I wish Raleigh was a whole lot closer than it is already. Last night was fun, ONCE i made it to the Brewery. I had a stupid test in my Earth Sci. class (the dumbest class in the world) and he waited to lecture for almost 3 hours before we got to take the test. Ugh, so by then it was almost 8:15...and Cory's show was suppose to begin at like 8 and they played at like 8:45 or 9. And somehow...haha, speed demon...i made it to Raleigh from Greensboro with only missing like 2 of their songs...haha. I need to stop, one of these days....yea, jus one of these days.
But i got to see them play (YAY) because I haven't been able to go to any of his shows in like a month. And I feel bad, so I had to go again. So when i got there I went to see everyone and pissed everyone off by pushing my way to the front. I wanted to be like, he's my boyfriend, KISS MY ASS. Haha, especially when the boys were talking about how they were outa shape on stage. Matt & Cory announced it and some girl was like, "No you're not, you're fucking hot!" Wow...haha, it made me laugh...mostly because he's mine.<3 :-] And then two other girls were standing outside their bus while Cory was at the side...and then he turned around to come hug me...HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA, i hate scene sluts!! Too bad I won't be there everytime that happens while they're gona on tour though.
Good thing though:::a guy from Tooth&Nail was there at the show and went on their bus to meet/talk with them.
And JOSHOFFER was there!! Haha, never saw that coming, but it made me happy. I miss seeing him like every week to go to shows. And i miss being mean to him and him being mean to me. I'm glad that for once he finally likes a boy that i'm dating.[Joshoffer, that pizza talk was fun/nice, i miss those times. We should've done the gum thing, seriously!! It would've been AMAZING!] |
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| a thousand miles away seems pretty far |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|04:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Plain White T's | ] |
I'm happy and sad.
Cory let me listen to the master copy of the new akfj cd that's coming out. Awe, i love hearing him sing and play. The cd's really good for being their first to go in stores. :-)
And while listening to it, he announces that he's gona be gone from Aug. 18 to Sept. 2 on tour in the south, and then as soon as he gets back, he goes out on tour again in the north for a month. GAH!! I can do this though, I can and I will. If anyone wants to know how he feels about it:::then it's the band Plain White T's and the song "Hey There Delilah". I think that song pretty much makes everything seem like it'll be alright no matter what. He means more to me than i ever thought.
atleast this means i get more time with my friends <3
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in new York city
I'm a thousand miles away
but girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me |
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| i've got a world, but i want yours |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|09:20 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
I haven't wrote in here in like two weeks! I'm still happier than ever with a certain boy <3 Staying up every night till 4 tho and going to work at 8:30AM is kicking my ass though. Just like summer school...UGH.
On another note, some friends come and go and I don't know where any of that stands. Yea, I know people change, but they shouldn't change for the worse. I know it'll all work out though so i'm not too upset about it anymore. Best friends will always be there, whether they say it aloud or not, they're there.
I'm tired of working at my job, even though i never wana give up the freedom that I have at it. I need a NEW job in G'boro that pays NO LESS than $10 an hour...is that so much to ask??????
I'm ready for school to be back, I'm ready to be around my friends again, i'm ready to actually live in my apartment...i'm ready to be out on my own, even though I know it's gona be kinda hard.
But the only bad/sad thing that comes out of moving back to G"boro is that i'm only gona see Cory MAYBE 2-3 times a week...and that's only gona be when he's NOT on tour. I can do this, and I know he can, but that doesn't mean that i'm not gona miss the hell out of him every day! But when it comes down to it, I wouldn't have it any other way because he's actually doing his dream. And it's an amazing thing with how it's working out for the boys, and I would never get in the way of it. I think that's the majority of the reason why it's gona work. *Plus, i kinda like him...a lot.*
oh well, maybe i'll actually get my school work done this semester again and get my gpa back up............ugh. And my friends wont be able to say that i ditch them all the time for him...<3 |
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| in over my head |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|11:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the Fray | ] |
this is the BEST feeling that i have ever had, seriously...i dont think anyone else could compare. and when i say that, i truely do mean it!no one has ever made me smile this much or blush, constantly.
and i think that after what is about to be 3 years of not dating anyone steady, im ready for this more than anything.and to think that around 10 months ago, this could've already been happening but we both didnt say anything to the eachother..and we went our separate ways but stayed friends and this is what we're brought back to.
And to be honest, i wouldn't have had it any other way bc i appreciate it even more now <3
hehe...i have a boyfriend...and yes, i'm being a girl about it [which i know never happens]...kiss my ass... |
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| square one |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|01:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
this sums up my day at warped tour in Raleigh:
emery,mhim,akfj,the academy is,cartel,silverstein,hellogoodbye,paramore,motion city,afi,underoath,the bled...NO i didnt get to see as cities burns or every time i die...
I like it a whole lot better there than in Charlotte.
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| playings for keeps |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|10:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thankful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the Spill Canvas | ] |
I'm skipping summer school tomorrow for Warped Tour in Ral [it's gona kick my ass], i'm excited for a BUNCH of reasons tho and i wouldnt miss it:
-mhim & akfj get to play at it this year
-i get to hang out with some of my ral crew
-i get to hang out with paul and the rest of the douches from silverstein againnnnnnnnn
-i get to be with my loves
-the bands
-and i better see a certain boy while im there, dangit.<3
to be completely honest.
im the happiest i have ever been.
and i never had a clue that it could be this way.
and i love blue eyes.
which has never been the truth until now.
<3 |
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| watching the world falling down on your head |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|10:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Yellowcard | ] |
First off:::it's hard to believe anything you say because you never follow through with anything that has to do with me...so go ahead and tell me that you're "not fucking lying" while you drunk and hang up on me like you did a week ago and tell me you'll call me when you know that you wont until you come back to G'boro bc that's how you always do. Maybe you're not an asshole, but if you look at the way you treated me...you should think again.
therefore, i dont believe that you miss me because if you did...you would call, at least you would call more than maybe once a week just to say "hey" and talk for like 4.5 seconds.
2nd: We'll see when you actually make it down here to hang out with me, because you've said it every since you went home, and it has yet to happen.
3rd: Apology accepted, because I'm a sucker for forgiving people easily...but that's what my belief's are.
4th: The definition of you IS being lost. That's the way you were from day one and nothing has changed after 6 months. I refuse to sit and wait on that any longer.
5th: i dont hate you...i never will, no matter how much you have hurt me (which you dont even know bc that's how much we communicate)
you cant just walk in and out like that over and over again whenever you want. I'll be happy when I see you again bc i do miss you. But I miss hanging out with you as a friend more than the other...that's it. |
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| she fell |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|01:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ditzy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | some local band ;) | ] |
So there's this new person that makes me smile like no one else. And I remember the first time that it happened then, but for certain reasons it didnt go anywhere. BUT I was patient and remained friends and then there's now. I LOVE walking around downtown and just talking, having no set place to go. I can have conversations on the phone for like 30 mins. and there's not 5 seconds of silence. They call me, even when I dont ask them to. They make me blush. I'm not insecure about anything right now, and it's great. <3
Regardless, the truth hurts. And i'm gona feel really bad when I hurt certain people, but for right now...this is what I want. I cant make everyone happy AND myself. Friendship is better than a relationship, and that's how it's gona stay between us. I hope my best friend understands that. :( Because it's not worth losing the friendship in the end. I hope I'm doing this the right way.
The other person that I dont want to hurt, probably doesn't even care...but just in case, it's not what I want...I want our friendship back because things were WAY better then.
it's crazy, all the little things we all worry about in our heads that we have no control over. |
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| Moving For The Sake of Motion |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|01:51 pm] |
The time has come for you to sit this out
To play inside your mind
Would be sown myself shut
Which crowd we torn apart
We've torn the pages left to write
I'm turning up the lyrics
We say everything
Which crowd we torn apart
We've torn the pages left to write
We say everything
Ohh my stories growing and growing on
(On my last request)
Dont make me feel so contridicted
There's no room
(For cheating, and beating yourself)
Still you leave such a bitter taste in my mouth
Oh its getting longer and longer come one
(to see it in your eyes will bring me so much closer)
You can't do this night after night after night
(still you leave such a bitter taste in my mouth)
Please...answer...
I swear that no ones gone
be still and know that they wont lie to you
every single second your face still lies
Which crowd we torn apart
We've torn the pages left to write
I'm turning up the lyrics
We say everything
Which crowd we torn apart
We've torn the pages left to write
We say everything
I know why you never took your eyes off of me
I use my lungs for everything I'm breathing
I know why you never took your eyes off of me
I use my lungs for everything I'm breathing
i find myself tied up
in this conversation
so pull me and pull me aside |
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| rush together to find another |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|07:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
this weekend was one of the best that i've had here in Winston in a while!!
Friday night:::i got to see my mhim & akfj boys, and Phil!!!!! and his new band. I needed Friday night and hanging out withhhhh Jesse, Joey, Cory, Josh, JohnRob, Manda, Tiff, Matt, Phil, Ashleigh...and more. But the most fun was after their show...Cory, Joey, Jesse and I went ghost hunting and they took me to the school in Rural Hall. Ah!!! I refuse to go back in till I go through that place in daylight damnit!!! And then we went to some house, ?Helsabeck? and that place reminds me of the house in Thirteen Ghosts...i dont wana go back to it!! Haha, yea, i'm a chicken, but it was fun. Especially when we had to run through the woods because we heard some people, footsteps..whatev, and Cory fell in a hole. HAHA I haven't had that much fun since January in G'boro, but i guess all of that is almost history...
I'm getting ready to go downtown with Cory and walk around, I wish I got to go downtown more often. He's bringing mace...and he calls me a chicken?? He's probably right though. Seriously...he got a freakin mullet!! I'm gona kill him. I mean, I guess everyone else likes it??
And thennnn, there's Carowinds tomorrow with Shana, Mal and Amie :) It'll be fun.
andddddddddd, it's official, i'm broke. i had to get money from my dad...and i hate asking for money :( |
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| breakdown |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|01:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mae<3 | ] |
"It's magic," she says to me.
My hand to her waist as she approaches sweetly.
It's enough when I see that look in her eyes.
It's enough for me to paralyze.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
"It's tragic," she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye
was enough for me to realize.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered, "I love you."
But I couldn't take it,
any longer, no I couldn't stand.
But the night brought sparks
and the sparks brought flames.
And you had to be sure
this wasn't one of those games.
But I'm gonna show you
if you could just give me tonight...
Tonight...
"It's fragile", she says to me.
The hair in her eyes, she removes it smiling.
There's a wound that I know this song could mend,
A step in time for us will never end.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown. |
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| back to reality |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|11:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Quietdrive | ] |
I'm home from the beach now..and I'm ready to get away again. Two weeks till I move back to G'boro :-) But half the people I want around won't be back until late July/August.
I got to get away from some things, but I still think I needed just a little more time away for it to be complete.
New things are happening and I'm ready for them, I couldn't be more excited in that category.
I get to hang out with some of my Winston kids tonight at the Coffee Bean :-) anddddddddd douchebag Cory & Joey since I never get to see them bc of tour...
and I get to see my Jon tomorrow bc he's coming to a cookout with my family!!
There's a bunch of things I need to get in line in my life.
now it's off to boring work.......
see you loves tonight <3 |
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| glass you placed |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|11:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
let downs are no fun
and some people are amazing at them...
but it's cool because I had an amazing weekend with a bunch of my friends and I'm leaving for the beach in the morning with my loves. |
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| the good side of things |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|03:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
I had an amazing time in G'boro this weekend.
-Friday night, I got to see my Abs who I haven't hung out with in like 7-8 months. And I got to see Marie who I haven't seen in basically a YEAR. And after that party, we all went to Brooke's apartment and had a reunion, except for Fifi's dumbass. Mal, Amie, Brooke, Tracy, and me...that's how it was all last year. I needed it, I'm so glad that our girls are home from France. And thank God, there was no drama for once:::haha.
-Saturday, I got to catch up with my Heather Shaw. I miss her a lot, but starting July 7, she will be my neighbor....literally, our apartment doors are like 5 ft away from eachother, and we didnt plan it that way either. Ah, laying by the pool and talking about everything and making plans. I need more days like that. Thanks Heather!
-Saturday night/Sunday, I got to hang out with the Elswick's family. I think they're trying to adopt me, seriously...haha.
and here it is, Monday, back in Winston...and I'm already trying to plan a reason to leave again.
<3 Hopefully Heather and I get to leave Thursday night to go to VA to stay for the weekend with Carson. If anything:::this is what I need. My Carson<3 and one of my best friends, Heather. |
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